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Couples therapy after infidelity and broken trust
Discovering an affair, a secret, or another betrayal can turn your world upside down. Therapy gives you both a structured place to make sense of what happened and decide what comes next.
Couples & partners · Secure video across Illinois · Gottman-informed & EFT
What this can look like
An affair was discovered or disclosed: physical, emotional, or online
Hidden money, accounts, or other secrets came to light
Intrusive images, checking, or trouble sleeping since finding out
The partner who strayed feels stuck in guilt or shame
The same questions get asked again and again
You don’t know yet whether you want to stay
Why it happens
Betrayal can feel like trauma
Researchers who treat affair couples describe reactions much like trauma responses: intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and swings between anger and numbness. These reactions are normal, and they can settle with the right support.
Understanding isn’t excusing
Recovery includes looking at what was happening in the relationship and in each person’s life. The partner who had the affair remains responsible for that choice.
Recovery happens in stages
Well-studied approaches move from stabilizing the crisis, to understanding the context, to deciding how to move forward.
How couples therapy can help
01
Address the impact
Steady the crisis: boundaries with the outside person, managing triggers and flashbacks, and structured ways to express hurt.
02
Examine the context
Understand the relationship, outside, and individual factors that made the betrayal possible, so you both have a story that makes sense.
03
Move forward
Talk openly about forgiveness, rebuild trust through consistent action, and decide together whether and how to continue.
WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYS
Couples can recover
In a clinical trial of couple therapy, couples dealing with infidelity started out more distressed than other couples but improved at a faster rate.
A clear, staged model
A forgiveness-based treatment for affair couples moves through impact, context, and moving on, with promising early results.
Questions
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Yes. Many couples start therapy unsure. Part of the work is getting clear on what you each want.
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No. We use a no-secrets policy in couples work. Anything one partner shares with your therapist privately, by message, call, or a solo check-in, isn’t automatically kept from the other. If it matters to your work together, your therapist may share it or ask you to share it yourself, and will always tell you first. If there’s something you’d never want your partner to know, individual therapy is the better place to start.
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It varies. Rebuilding trust takes time and consistency, and we’ll check in regularly about how it’s going.
OTHER THINGS COUPLES BRING
Same fight, different day · Growing apart · Not seeing eye to eye · Pressure from outside · Big life hardships · Sex & desire differences · Mental load & household roles · Jealousy & insecurity · In-laws & family boundaries
Start with one conversation, together.
A free, no-pressure 15-minute phone call. Ask about fees, insurance, or how we work.
Book a free 15-min consult Join the waitlistSOURCES
Baucom, D. H., Gordon, K. C., Snyder, D. K., Atkins, D. C., & Christensen, A. (2006). Treating affair couples: Clinical considerations and initial findings. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 20(4), 375–392.
Atkins, D. C., Eldridge, K. A., Baucom, D. H., & Christensen, A. (2005). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Optimism in the face of betrayal. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(1), 144–150.
This page is general information, not a substitute for therapy.